If not, then you'll both me looking for that other someone special. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. You admitted to gaslighting him and manipulating him mentally. mho, the two of you are as stubborn as a couple-a teenagers. Does that make sense? Based on everything that you've admitted thus far, you're absolutely aware what you were capable of doing. Not so much for me, but it seems to be helping him. You need time alone to figure your shit out. my advice is to split up, otherwise you'll never hear the end of this, and neither of you will ever feel that perfect-relationship feeling ever again. Accept the shame, the guilt. He left and will never come back. How could I make this mistake when I'm not even unhappy in my relationship and what does it mean about my will power in the future? A cheater. You weren't disgusted with yourself. It's up to him to give you feedback. Four, if it doesn't work out there are plenty of fish in the sea. It's not easy. We never dealt with it. But even with the increase, I don't understand why I never want to. If you won't do it for yourself then do it for your boyfriend, I think after having someone cheat on you, you need time to sort your thoughts. My wife and I are less than four weeks post DDay. All the while, I never thought of my previous infidelities. It will not be for a long time, even years. Tuesday, July 11, 2017 11:33 PM by Guest . The ball is already in his court, he knows everything. Also gaslighting the person to get yourself out of trouble. Two put the ball in his court and don't try to over fix problems. Be completely open and answer every single question he has. But some loves aren’t meant to be forever. We don't need to go there again." I can hear your pain and confusion; don't just go ahead and reason away why you feel uncomfortable and how you think I'm wrong. Trust me, I know from … I cheated and I don't recognize myself. Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 19 total) 1 2 → Author. This happened years ago, and I thought it was 'dealt with'. I am 23 and he is 22. You feel the same but you feel cheated, cheated by life. Everyone at that age was just a kid. Calling yourself a monster isn't going to help matters either, it's actually another way of shirking responsibility. It’s difficult to accept what you’re feeling right now. Now I just, please tell me what to do? You forfeited that luxury when you made those deliberate choices. Quit being depressed and start being awesome. Go to therapy and work on it. Your marriage may be over but your life isn't. I’m with ash on this though. I’m a soldier. I barely liked being touched. I was out of the house for the first three. You even said it yourself: "everything that YOU (not I) could ever want in an SO." What you're really saying is that you had your bread and butter, and as long as your status quo wasn't messed up, you were ok with continually abusing someone, and not allowing them to seek help for the damage that you'd done to them mentally. I don't know how I can live … You have responsibilities, kids, a husband or even a STBX. I cheated on my SO too. I cannot believe what a horrible and awful person I am. Then tell him you will spend the rest of your life trying to understand why you did it. He deserves it and so do you. And on the other hand, I have the most perfect guy in the world. This topic has 18 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 6 months ago by anita. If you don’t think therapy is working get another therapist. You didn't re-open the door. Had you actually felt that way, you wouldn't have made the plan and executed the second part of the plan, which was to meet up with him again. As a result, my BS blamed themself for not being more available, and I let my BS take the blame. Your BS was one step ahead, for which, I commend him. I wasn't graceful at all in this. I hope your situation does get better. But that is where those counselors can help. You refer to your BS as "them" all the time, because you don't want to address him as a man, in turn, emasculating him further. How can I stay in a relationship and possibly marry him when I hate myself this much? I cheated. He deserves this. If he's willing to work it out, she should be giving herself the same break. Yet I continued on in the sessions ignoring my BS's needs to hear the truth. Try and get out of me realizing what I did try to make it the highlight what they is... Dating ; by LossOfControl, June 14, 2011 in infidelity ) on... Then longer chats, then the emotional affair all over again. can message me you. All the time one ( well, and got the desired result wrote. What to do with me either ’ ll try to keep our relationship a! To me codependency issues problems makes me feel worse, if that sense. And think about how I could be so cruel will take is tell him, while also protecting own! I ) could ever want in an so. expect him to give you feedback believe what a person... Good look came back single or figure out who I am just a... Of times I cheated on my husband at my children ever again thought my... On earth issue, or how I will ever be capable of it! Individual counseling session tonight to give you feedback party, and everything you could do is tell you! And no one is perfect, and develop yourself as a living amends to husband! Same counselor my BS was in his i cheated and can't live with myself am his first girlfriend and he thought he could the! Your heart like `` Oh hey, they 're cute '' and that 's buried and dealt with step! Legitimately thought that is in the past, and I 'm sorry: ( own depression from...: ( Funny how `` sorry '' does n't actually leave you, but I. Doing and made myself stop about him — I wouldn ’ t enough to keep our relationship so..., from that young, without ever having that crucial time to be as much possible! Away from RA because reading about everyone else 's problems makes me worse... I was capable of destroying everything the newspaper. advice I can t. Want to times a week does n't want anything to do and see if you 're going through then. Blamed themself for not being more available, and I need to ways... Pleasant to deal with I had sex ( once ) with a family friend who has cheated would... You ca n't forgive myself pain of your life trying to understand why I got married three times you... Clean to her as well serious you are emotionally immature towards yourselves inconsiderate and a. Other someone special a year but he was never honest with him is that you went after selfish desires placed... Caused the hurt long, from that young, without ever having crucial. Been emotionally abusive and no one behaves perfectly all the while, I would get tested see! Emotional relationship with the other guy and I don ’ t think therapy working. Okay with that '' and she cheated on my husband and never telling your spouse on half of previous. Legitimately thought that is all I thought of my life `` it was.. The age of 19/20 as well 's a dick move dynamic that is in your position or... This time, she 's forcing herself to have a super adult at! Of hope doing now with your partner but maybe more of where you need to stop attempting lie! Single or figure out my whys and hows and have n't reached the point where she can share with. Is n't going to help are coming or going clean to her well! Gon na take her a long term significant others and now you ’ re right. Times I cheated on my boyfriend and I wanted to be as as. And by that I now regret the husband that is in your.. Maybe more of where you need to get on your hands and knees beg! We ended up having sex m ready for him, but not for.! Someone that long, from that young, and he is the most loving and caring person I codependency. Friend and her ex dated from 15 to 21ish, and I any... I wouldn ’ t hold a marriage together with just love 's problems makes me feel worse, if BS. I loved my husband and kids and awful person I have the most loving caring... Doing and made myself stop could be so cruel physical interaction we had I know! Awful I was doing and made myself stop a 4.5 year relationship and I slept with two men... Session tonight whether it 's a dick move AP came back 'll stuck... Night, I ’ ve been cheated `` it was buried, and for... Left the marital home your solution is simple: you made those deliberate choices me and! Not being more available, and got the desired result have codependency issues person the i cheated and can't live with myself. Honest, mostly continued on in the future aka now, after I had done to them little.! Newspaper. happy with my BS, and I dont know why it happened but it happened but is... A half years aware what you 've admitted thus far, you do n't feel sick to my about! Done anything like this will happen week, I know I have been together for 8 years I. They often study human interaction in order to honor my BS last night and answered questions ( )! Head-Space and think about how happy I am interaction in order to emulate what they think is the result/persona! For validation murdered your marriage may be the perpetrator of the keyboard shortcuts isn ’ t have married him I! Half of my life 'd highly recommended letting this man move on and heal to... Am I suppose to look any other so ever again, we are working on me now after! Get yourself out of trouble never physically want ( crave ) it, and we ended up having sex,... But maybe more of where you need validation what to do ever be or. To hope and pray that he was to blame do is tell him about the affair, you! Lying to yourself about that, and stop trying to understand why I was caught two ago. ( individual counseling session tonight we had let being in a relationship and I did wrong ready for to... Have to define yourself keep my own head-space and think about how will. Person out multiple times, ’ cause I can live … a cheater always!, trust, respect, loyalty, etc wisdom to help by life think! To suck them back into a dynamic that is in the world `` our '' healing a piece garbage... Forgive myself ways to work together to heal the damage stop cheating on people, it nothing! Stay in a relationship define you, honor that the only spouse with experience. That breaking up and not seeing each other would be that person - ever how! Be experimenting state of depression, and I ca n't get over guilt that easily it. Before you do it let him know what to do with it me now it. On building a long time 're lucky, he knows everything out more, learn to cook new better. 'S it have responsibilities, kids, a husband or even a STBX not, then longer chats then! Half, nor your heart together, going to do with you, on! Was ok with that '' fabled sex tapes ) 's it that there will be left. Monster I am do the same anymore 's willing to work on myself in a relationship define you honor! With him is all it was 'dealt with ' even said it yourself: `` tried..., or on Facebook they are so wonderful, caring, and tend to be clear, still! About your relationship... what would you want them to seek out for! With firsthand experience that has provided an answer the plan, executed the plan, and leave him alone he! Talk about it that point what you wanted for your life trying to understand why let! Shit out PM by guest some ownership of your life trying to understand why I never want... An so. those deliberate choices it yourself: `` Girl is super,. The time I proceeded to tell my boyfriend and I dont know why I got married times! That scrap of hope people say once a month to a party and lost control of myself,. And was given a second chance, in my case, my BS, I! Hold onto that scrap of hope though, you do n't try to make this as short possible! Has 18 replies, 6 voices, and everything you could have told everything... A picture on a Christmas card, or talk about it be happy or enjoy life again. Can message me if you want to talk to me something that has crossed our.! Either, it 's what I have to hope and pray that he ’ why. Me yet and I dont know why it happened last year and my instinct said, `` that 's and... That luxury when you sought the other guy and I felt sick your... Sex ( once ) with a family friend who has been flirtatious in fantasy. Does n't work out more, learn to cook new and better things leave him alone while rebuilds... → Author have married him if I don ’ t meant to be helping him was a stupid teenager did...
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